Controllers are Abusers?

Just now, I watched my favorite show on tv, The Oprah Show. I am interested by the topic of the discussion today. A woman named Barbara Sheehan was invited to the show. Barbara's life experience has caught Oprah's attention and thus she was called to share her experience with others. She was charged of murdering his own husband. Barbara shot his husband 11 times!! Soon, I learn that she has a strong reason of doing so.

Barbara and her husband, Raymond had been married for 24 years. At first, the marriage was a normal one. They lived as happy couple. However, after Barbara gave birth to her second child, Raymond started to change. He became an abuser. For 16 to 17 years, Barbara had been constantly abused verbally,mentally and physically by her husband. Raymond was so violent. What caught my attention the most from her story is that, there's one day, Barbara cook marinara sauce for her husband. Apparently, Raymond decided that he didn't want to eat marinara sauce that night...and guess what? he poured the cooking that is still boiling from the pot into Barbara's head and easily said "cook something else for me to eat now". Isn't that cruel? It does not end there. There's also incident where Raymond grabbed Barbara's neck and slammed her head into the wall resulting in 10 stitches from her forehead up to her head. Barbara claimed that the abuse inflicted on her is countless and never ending.

It is very frustrating knowing the fact that her husband was a policeman. A person that he we would come to, to cry for help. This is one of the reason why Barbara feel so scared. She has nowhere to go. Raymond abused her in front of her family.. To report the matter to the police will make things worst. Since at that time, his husband is a sergeant, he always remind Barbara that he is powerful and nobody going to believe her.She can't even get out off the house. Raymond would had access to find her. He constantly threatened her that he would go for her family if he unable to get her. At that point of time, she realized that Raymond will harm her family. She also has two kids to be protected.

At the time of the killing take place, the couple had an argument. It is just a petty argument, i.e Barbara didn't want to go to the family vacation. She hates having a family vacation with Raymond. She knows that she would be far away from her family. He would had her alone and could easily takes this chance to hurt her. Disagreed with Barbara's decision, Raymond walked towards Barbara and pointed his gun over her. She ran and grabbed another gun belongs to Raymond. At this point, she knew that he would kill her and she believe he will! This man will not let her go. Raymond had threatened to kill her so many times before.She felt so helpless. With great fear, she shot Raymond. Raymond died instantly.

She was charged with murdering her husband. Currently the court ordered that she can be released by bail. But still, she have to face the trial by jury.She is now waiting for the trial and here future depends on the jury's decision. I learn that she murdered her husband due to constant provocation and for the sake of protecting her own life. Thus, her act can be categorized into self defense. Poor Barbara.

In the show, she stressed that "people who are controller can turn out to be an abuser". She advised the society, that once your partner starting to control your life, find a way to get off from him..How far the statement is true? People..especially ladies like to be controlled. They feel like their partners care about them by doing so. However, you can have someone who control you, but in a logical way. They cannot control every second of your life. Such as in this situation, Barbara's life was totally controlled by her husband. Even if she went to supermarket, she has to show Raymond the receipt so that he can trace what time she goes, what time she made the purchase and what time she comes back. It means, there's no way Barbara can slip away. She and the children were separated from society. They cannot mix with other.

Now, no more Raymond in her life. She can have her own life..leaving her 17 years of suffering,pain and fear. She said that, even if the jury decides that she should be imprisoned, she feel much better being there than living in misery with her husband....