I've been talking about my mom a lot previously right? oh i don't care if people are getting boring and don't wanna read this entry. I still wanna talk about my mom.
I imagined my mom was at home, cooking for me to 'buka puasa and waiting for me at home'. Oh how i miss her cook. She was the best chef ever! I remember how she would dress at home especially at the kitchen. "baju kelawar" and her apron. :) she loves cooking. She always cooked special dishes especially when her kids went back home to visit her. She'll prepare out favorite food. Oh mama, you were a perfect mother!
OK...
I realized that I have been hiding my feelings from everybody. I laugh out loud, I smile, I make stupid jokes...Well, I act like I'm happy and strong although my mom had just passed away. I act like nothing happened. My office mates also treated me like usual. I don't know what they think of me. But, I think they are happy to see me back to normal. Not like what I was 2 weeks ago..
The truth is, I'm tired of hiding my feelings. I'm tired of lying to the whole world that I'm FINE. At the end, I will burst into tears. At night, on my bed, before I sleep. I know, she would hear me. She'll be upset because I'm not strong enough to accept the fact that she's gone.
And then, the next morning, I'll wake up. Try to forget that I was crying last night. And be a happy person again!
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